Woke up and I got the feeling
Nobody's gonna make it easy
Left out when I wanna be inside
As it's all goin' down
my beautiful life,
you know it got me thinking, no matter what i do to fit in this world i know there are things that will always pull me back, looks for instance, i hate mine, so why dont you join in on the fun!
shes right, i do need to try more , i need to TRY.
so tyra banks went out with a fat suit to see what it was like being fat, for an hour. she said that she said that she felt uncomfortable at the stares and blah blah blah, in other words, she was feelin sorry for us fat girls, wow tyra an hour in a fat suit and you know my whole life! GET REAL BITCH, just because you wore a goddamn fat suit for an hour does NOT FUCKING MEAN you know what its like. you didnt grow up fat, you didnt have to go through life with the ridicule and the name calling that school does to you. i wish i could say that at one point i was skinny, but i never was, yea sure i look back and say "wow i didnt look fat at all" but at that point in life when that photo was taken, i was still being ridiculed. i had to grow up with so much shit, and i had to deal, i had to learn how to handle the hatred towards my face and body. so in turn,i accepted it all, when someone said i was fat , i said "yes thank you" i had to accept the fact that no one in this world will ever see me the way i want to be seen , not even the ones that say they do, when i was slapped in the face with an insult i just responded " yeah i know" and that was that, i accepted it, it was done, i was satisfied, in fact it helped me growing up, i didnt like boys because boys only made fun of me and i didnt like girls because they never wanted to be my friends . they saw me as a amusement ride, something to pass the time with jokes ...all at my expense. i still feel the bruises but i got thru each day.
then one day BAM , i get hit with boys telling me that they like me, well of course im just not hearing any of that , the only friend i had were my pets , which is why i have many to this day, pets dont judge you. so when boys said they cared, what did i do? i walked away, i wanted nothing to do with their cruel jokes , i felt that they were saying these things just so they can laugh and point and say "OMG I WAS KIDDING!! HAHAHA" its been done , dont need it anymore. being a fat girl was all i knew how to be, its wierd how the fat girls have to compensate their beauty with a humorous personality. thats why you hear fat girls are funny, NOT PRETTY, no wait, unless they dont want their feelings hurt but encouraged people just say " you are pretty" NOT GORGEOUS, NOT BEAUTIFUL..... i dont want to put up with society anymore, i dont want to learn how to deal. i want to be left alone, dont tell me im pretty , dont tell me im funny, dont tell me im great, drop it. we all know the truth, im fat , i get it. when people say im pretty or whatever I GET REALLY PISSED. i always think that they're liars. how can i grow up with you telling me this horrible but accepted insults and now go back on your words?!! i dont want to care. i dont want anymore lies, i just want this world to end , well mine anyways.
i just watch all my walls crumble, i dont want to be here anymore, i dont care about how fucking poor i am, i dont care about how ugly i am, i dont care any more about what shit im in, i want to end it. i just want to get rid of all of you. i guess i just need a bigger reason for goodbye because im obviously not strong enough to get this over with.
there are so many things wrong in my life and every day its rubbed in my face, i cant seem to just stay sain, i keep getting worse. things need to come to an end.
this fat girl cant take it anymore.
but of course ...
Current Music: confess